Rebecca Renze.

Challenging behaviors can be frustrating and exhausting, often leaving adults doubting their ability to manage the moment. Yet behind every power struggle, outburst, or meltdown lies a story — a skill not yet developed, a need unmet, or a stressor unrecognized. With the right mindset, tools, and awareness of our own nervous system responses, challenging moments can become opportunities for learning, growth, and connection for both children and adults.

Before adults can effectively support a child through difficult moments, it’s important to reflect on how we interpret the behaviors we see. Our nervous system’s fight, flight, or freeze reactions can be triggered during conflict, high demand, or overwhelm, creating a cycle of escalating stress between child and adult. When adults notice what “hooks” them — the behaviors or tones that activate their own stress — they can pause, self-regulate, and respond calmly. This awareness models resilience and emotional regulation for children.

Children’s behaviors are often a form of communication. A child who refuses directions may be anxious or overwhelmed; a student having a meltdown may be experiencing sensory overload or difficulty with transitions. Shifting our thinking from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What is this child trying to tell me?” invites empathy and curiosity. Seeing behavior as information — not defiance — builds a foundation for effective support.

Understanding leads to healing. Parents can begin by teaching children about the brain-body connection and helping them recognize physical signals of stress. These sensations are the body’s way of communicating emotions. Encouraging conversations about what a child’s body feels like when they are upset or calm builds awareness and increases their sense of safety and trust with adults.

In classrooms, educators face diverse and complex needs. Grounding themselves first and viewing behavior through a lens of curiosity allows teachers to implement supportive strategies. Exploring sensory needs, executive function skills, and developmental readiness helps identify targeted interventions. Predictable routines and rituals — such as a consistent morning greeting or song — create a sense of safety. Short Focused Attention Practices, or brief moments of breathing and movement, can help refocus or energize students. Above all, a regulated adult steadies a child; when adults stay calm, students are far more likely to find calm too.

Supporting challenging behaviors begins with us. When we stay grounded and curious about what lies beneath behavior, moments of struggle become pathways toward resilience, connection, and growth.

Central Rivers Area Education Agency (CRAEA) works alongside schools to support students whose behavior may affect their learning or the learning of others. Because every student is different, assistance ranges from simple classroom strategies to more intensive support when needed. The AEA partners with educators through coaching, collaboration, and expert guidance. Services may include teacher training, team problem-solving, classroom observation, and other supports that help identify student needs and build effective, research-based plans. Together with schools, Central Rivers AEA helps ensure every student has the tools and support needed to learn and thrive.

Rebecca Renze is a Learning Support Specialist with Central Rivers Area Education Agency based out of Cedar Falls. She can be reached at rrenze@centralriversaea.org. Central Rivers AEA helps over 5,000 K-12 teachers in 18 counties of north central Iowa improve results for over 60,000 students.