Dengler Domain: Winter Clothing Fantasy Draft


In celebration of my fantasy football championship which no one cares about but one should celebrate their wins, I want to do something special. Normally, I would make my wife give me a big champagne bath like you see when a sports team wins a championship, but this year is different. Due to the recent cold snap in Iowa and winning fantasy football, it is time to celebrate via a fantasy draft for cold weather clothing attire.

Socks are the first pick. Coats could make an argument for the top spot but not in this draft. For far too long in life, it took too long to figure out when the feet get cold, everything else gets cold. They are the gate to the body’s temperature. Selecting the right pair of socks is important. Ditching the summery below ankle socks for the ankle high socks is appropriate in cold weather. The better option is donning two pairs of socks. This is vital to staying warm, and it prevents the cold from seeping in as quickly.

The second pick is a coat. Coats are crucial. When you see someone outside in the middle of winter without a coat, you are concerned because 1) Why no coat? 2) This person needs help. Not wearing a coat while quickly grabbing a trash can or grabbing the mail is a poor decision. Do not be the neighbor who the other neighbors judge hard for making poor choices in the cold weather. Wear the coat and stay warm.

The third pick is a stocking hat. Any stocking hat which stays firmly on the head and protects it from the cold is good. While not as underrated as socks, the hat provides the same purpose to the upper part of the human physique. When not wearing a hat, one gets cold very quickly. This is an option no one should choose. If one has long hair with no hat, the person gets hit with a double whammy of miserableness. Keeping the hat on protects the heat and the hair from looking like it spent some time in a wind tunnel. With Iowa’s winds, it is a wind tunnel.

The next picks are pants, boots, gloves, sweatshirt, and earmuff if one is not wearing a hat.

The last pick is a scarf, neck gaiter, mask, or any piece of clothing covering the face. The reason for being last is how gross they get from spending all that time covering the mouth and nose. Every time I wear one, they end up moister than I want it to be.

While it may be disagreeable, it is a crucial draft. Certain clothing preferences are preferred over others, but I hope you value most of these clothes. Especially, as long as you are not the neighbor checking your mail in a robe and a pair of loafers in -20-degree temperatures with a 20-mph wind. That is crazy.