Sean Dengler.

When a new baby needs to be fed, the Winter Olympics are a perfect background watch. These winter athletes have graced the television screen as the baby feeds. National pride is always sky high with gold medals on the line. Chanting U-S-A comes easy during the Olympics, though quietly with babies.

With the return of the Winter Olympics, one of my favorite sports comes back, biathlon. Have I ever skied in my life? Absolutely not. Have I ever shot at a target? Absolutely not. Have I ever enjoyed watching a sport where people ski and shoot at targets as much as the biathlon? Absolutely not. This wonderful winter sport is one for the ages. With the United States not being competitive in this competition, this opens up my curiosity.

I assume the Nordic countries, who are exceptionally good at this competition, spend all their time awake outside skiing and shooting. With it being cold in Norway for a decent portion of the year, this sounds like the best activity. I would watch any action film where the whole premise was an action star, like a young Sylvester Stallone, skiing around and shooting villains in the wilderness.

Speed skating is also one of my favorite sports to watch. Have I ever ice skated in my life? Absolutely not. Do I love watching a bunch of skaters go around in a short circle with pandemonium ensuing? Absolutely. When these races have at least four skaters on the track at one time, it is like watching NASCAR. I am here for the crashes. There is also a relay version of this type of speed skating. It is the cherry on top. More people in a small space, pushing each other as part of the relay, and this creates high entertainment value.

With more bottle feeding than ever in my life, this has led to watching the most amount of luge, skeleton, and bobsledding ever. This has led to the discovery of, “Why did anyone come up with this idea?” Hurling oneself and teammates down a track at speeds one can drive on the interstate is wild. Bobsledders can go ninety mph. This is terrifying, but at least the sled might provide slight protection from an accident.

With luge, skating feet first at highway speeds is scary. Then someone produced the wise idea of not having only one person, but two people who go down together on the luge. This looks uncomfortable and frightening. To turn up the ante, skeleton decides it is better to go headfirst down the track at highway speeds. If I were to write a horror film about an Olympic event, skeleton would be the star. I have respect for those who compete, but I will stay far away from these tracks.

Whether it is sports one loves or sports one never wants to get close to, the Winter Olympics is a good background watch. If one does not like it, it will be gone for another four years. If the Summer Olympics are a better option, they will be in Los Angeles in 2028. With it being over 30 years since the last time the Summer Olympics touched American soil, exciting times are ahead. Thankfully, no one is going headfirst at highway speeds down an ice-cold track.

Sean Dengler is a writer, comedian, now-retired beginning farmer, and host of the Pandaring Talk podcast who grew up on a farm between Traer and Dysart. You can reach him at sean.h.dengler@gmail.com.